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How do you know when to take him back or leave? There is no right or wrong answer, but there are a few telltale signs that distinguish a relationship that is having a few problems from one that is entirely broken.
After an Emotional Affair
When your partner has betrayed your trust with an emotional affair, the decision to leave the relationship or stay and work it out can be especially difficult. Before you decide, make sure he knows exactly why you are upset.
For example, if he claims that the emotional affair is really just a harmless friendship, be very specific about why you felt his behavior was inappropriate. Was he hiding calls or emails? Lying about spending time with his friend? Make sure your partner understands what an emotional affair really is and why it is harmful to your partnership. If he understands, then give him a second chance. If not, he will likely do the same thing again.
When He Dumps You
If he breaks up with you and then wants to reconcile, ask him why he wants a second chance at the relationship. It is important to understand the timing of his request. Is he feeling lonely or guilty? Or has he had a life-changing event occur that has given him the clarity to see your relationship in a new light?
It is not unusual for someone to change one’s mind about a break up, so be clear on his reasons for wanting you back. If he wants to work on things because he knows you are the best person for him, it may be worth a second chance. If he’s simply tired of being alone or can’t find anyone knew, he may just need time on his own.
When You Regret Breaking Up with Him
Questioning a break up isn’t unusual, especially if you’ve been spending a lot of time with your ex since the two of you ended your relationship. Remember that there was a reason why you broke up, so take a good, hard look at your differences. If you believe that things would be different in the future, ask yourself why. Are you two going to counseling? Making real changes?
If you stayed friends with your ex, perhaps you need some time apart so you can truly see the relationship for what it is. Get some physical and mental distance before you decide to reconcile.
When You are On-Again/Off-Again
If you’re one of those couples that continually breaks up and gets back together, you need to be especially diligent about getting out of that routine. The two of you probably have a passionate relationship in which you argue and reconcile fervently.
But when a couple is in it for the long haul, they will work through their differences rather than break up. The fact that one (or both) of you is willing to completely end your relationship in a moment of fury means that there are underlying problems you need to address.
Regardless of the reason in which you broke up, it might be a good idea to seek a professional counselor to help you work on your issues. A third party can assist you in figuring out the points you need to work on before you agree to get back together. Don’t just say you are going to “work on it,” rather, talk about the specific problems you have and what you are going to do to fix it. If the relationship doesn’t improve within a designated timeframe, then it may be better to end your relationship for good.