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You can get dating advice just about anywhere these days. Your friends probably give you advice, you read it in different places, and you see it on TV.
What should you believe? Here’s some of the worst dating advice you’ll ever receive, and what you should do instead.
You’ll Find Someone When You’re Not Looking
This bit of bad dating advice is the standard given by long married people who feel that love needs to bump into you on the sidewalk. But guess what? When you’re single and interested in a relationship, you are looking. If you’re not, chances are you’ll miss out on those subtle signs people give off when they are interested in you.
There’s a difference between looking for a relationship and being desperate for one. If you can’t get a date no matter how hard you try, you’re probably giving off signs of desperation.
If You Don’t Feel a Spark, Forget It
There are some that believe in love at first sight, but the truth is that most times true love takes some time to develop. Even if you do feel a spark right away, chances are you’re feeling attraction and not love. If you’re looking for a relationship, you have to take time and get to know someone. You might be surprised at the feelings that develop for someone you didn’t initially think was “the one.”
Instead of using “sparks” to determine whether you’ll see someone or not, answer the question “Did I have a good enough time where I would see this person again?” If yes, go out again. If not, then you can move on to someone else.
You’ll Meet Someone Eventually
The subtext in this bit of bad dating advice is that you shouldn’t try to meet someone. In other words, skip online dating, matchmakers, and set ups because you’ll just magically meet someone if enough time passes.
This is terrible advice because sometimes (for a variety of reasons) you don’t meet the people you’re meant to. Dating sites and other ways to meet people allow you to be introduced to many more people. That along ups your odds of connecting with someone special. So take advantage of it.
Don’t Be Too Available
This advice on the surface is not so bad, except that daters (in the interest of “doing the right thing” to make someone interested in you) take it to the extreme. Some may purposely not return calls or accept dates because they don’t want to appear “too eager.”
The way to accomplish this is not to ignore someone’s calls or emails, but to genuinely have a lot going on in your life. There is no hard rule about returning or making calls. If you’re interested, call someone (or answer the phone). But the point really being made here is that if you’re busy and your life is full, you’ll have a better perspective when it comes to dating.
You Don’t Need a Man
You’ll notice guys don’t say this to their friends, but women do. Telling another woman “you don’t need a man” (especially when you’re in a relationship with one yourself) is a bit condescending. What you’re essentially saying here “You’re stupid to want someone in your life.” This bit of dating advice is about the most horrible of all.
Perhaps the sentiment behind this statement is that you don’t need a man to be a secure, single midlife woman. Well… duh. But just because you’re confident with your life doesn’t mean you don’t still want someone to share it with. If you hear this bit of dating advice, simply ignore it and focus on making your life what you want it to be.